Vanessa, I really feel this one. I'm so sorry this happened to you in this beautiful place where you were being honored for your talent. I'm so sorry we live in a patriarchal world where this happens to goddamned often. I've never recovered from a comment from an adult when I was 7 about my "grande culo" — oh, the ways I hurt myself for decades in response to that. The ways I still feel like I have to hide my body. Does it ever stop? Do we ever become impervious to it? I hope so. In the meantime we surround ourselves with the people who get it, and who love us. <3
Wonderful to find you here, but saddened that a wonderful occasion was mared by someone, an elder who was being too familiar with comments about your body, rude and selfish. He ruined a moment of wonder!
I got chills reading about your ability to stay connected to the moment:
"I feel more myself in the forest than I do anywhere. It’s been this way for a long time, so when I entered the rainforests of Puerto Rico, I felt my body open up, a knowing enveloped me. I imagined myself, my ancestors living here, climbing here, making a life here."
I'm glad that the story ended with you pampering yourself with adornment, a photo session and reminding yourself of the reason you were there. Pray you continue to celebrate you and surround yourself with those who love and respect you. Sharing your article with another writer here that also wrote about weight/ body consciousness. Please see @lauralippman Whole 60 in Personal Essays.
I’m sorry that your guide was a jerk. I am a 60yo chubby (?) Boricua, with obvious Taino ancestry. I hike El Yunque every year on my birthday. I do it in a bathing suit & shorts. I even let Hubby take pictures. La Isla is the only place where I feel comfortable breathing & being myself. Yet, I’ve only started wearing short dresses this year (Why am I suddenly comfortable? I couldn’t tell you). Hugs to you & your loving, supportive wife. 💖🤗💖
Thank you for having the bravery to write this. We need more people speaking out. It's destructive the judgment people place on women's bodies. My daughter has struggled with an eating disorder for 20 years. It's a terrible burden society puts on us. As for me, I have spent most of my life ashamed of my body. Most of the time, I just want to be invisible.
I love this and thank you for writing it. Body Shaming of women has been and is so prevalent and quite frankly unfair. I've long raged against it and also struggled with its emotional effects. My relationship with my body has been a lifelong process toward healing.
This is for everyone. Even models (of all shapes and sizes) get body-shamed. No one is ever good enough.
Also, I have been hiding the spider veins on the back of my legs for the last ten years, wondering if the subway map they create there was there before and I just never thought to look for them, not having a three way mirror, and wishing I never had seen them in that case, since I was happy not hiding my legs up till then. I actually feel envy when I people not hiding their veiny legs. What a life. Thank you for writing this!
This may not be helpful but you're hot as hell and much more importantly your writing is inspiring, engaging, and important. Thank you for sharing this.
Vanessa, I really feel this one. I'm so sorry this happened to you in this beautiful place where you were being honored for your talent. I'm so sorry we live in a patriarchal world where this happens to goddamned often. I've never recovered from a comment from an adult when I was 7 about my "grande culo" — oh, the ways I hurt myself for decades in response to that. The ways I still feel like I have to hide my body. Does it ever stop? Do we ever become impervious to it? I hope so. In the meantime we surround ourselves with the people who get it, and who love us. <3
Vanessa,
Wonderful to find you here, but saddened that a wonderful occasion was mared by someone, an elder who was being too familiar with comments about your body, rude and selfish. He ruined a moment of wonder!
I got chills reading about your ability to stay connected to the moment:
"I feel more myself in the forest than I do anywhere. It’s been this way for a long time, so when I entered the rainforests of Puerto Rico, I felt my body open up, a knowing enveloped me. I imagined myself, my ancestors living here, climbing here, making a life here."
I'm glad that the story ended with you pampering yourself with adornment, a photo session and reminding yourself of the reason you were there. Pray you continue to celebrate you and surround yourself with those who love and respect you. Sharing your article with another writer here that also wrote about weight/ body consciousness. Please see @lauralippman Whole 60 in Personal Essays.
You *are* beautiful 😊
I’m sorry that your guide was a jerk. I am a 60yo chubby (?) Boricua, with obvious Taino ancestry. I hike El Yunque every year on my birthday. I do it in a bathing suit & shorts. I even let Hubby take pictures. La Isla is the only place where I feel comfortable breathing & being myself. Yet, I’ve only started wearing short dresses this year (Why am I suddenly comfortable? I couldn’t tell you). Hugs to you & your loving, supportive wife. 💖🤗💖
Thank you for having the bravery to write this. We need more people speaking out. It's destructive the judgment people place on women's bodies. My daughter has struggled with an eating disorder for 20 years. It's a terrible burden society puts on us. As for me, I have spent most of my life ashamed of my body. Most of the time, I just want to be invisible.
I love this and thank you for writing it. Body Shaming of women has been and is so prevalent and quite frankly unfair. I've long raged against it and also struggled with its emotional effects. My relationship with my body has been a lifelong process toward healing.
This is for everyone. Even models (of all shapes and sizes) get body-shamed. No one is ever good enough.
Also, I have been hiding the spider veins on the back of my legs for the last ten years, wondering if the subway map they create there was there before and I just never thought to look for them, not having a three way mirror, and wishing I never had seen them in that case, since I was happy not hiding my legs up till then. I actually feel envy when I people not hiding their veiny legs. What a life. Thank you for writing this!
This came across my feed today. Substack’s algorithm game is strong!
I’m going to be 58 next month. You named much of my life in your piece and I thank you for it.
A chubby kid with thick, muscular quads. They called me “porky” in middle school. (Even the chunky boys called me that)
Discovering the correlation between working out and slimming down. An exercise bulimic by age 22.
A taste of slimness, but still never good enough.
My
Whole
Life.
Closing in on the age of 60, I now worry more about my jowels, my wrinkles, my “turkey neck”
Their entitlement started with corsets and continues until we die.
I don’t have a ton of wisdom to share, but I know this: the systems we live in are designed to weaken women—to distract us from our power and purpose.
Our experience is not unique.
And I know that what you’ve written has made a difference in my life today.
I see you. I honor your process. And I’m grateful for your work.
This may not be helpful but you're hot as hell and much more importantly your writing is inspiring, engaging, and important. Thank you for sharing this.